I signed Rosemary up for a little summer preschool thing and it started today. It goes through July and is 2 hours a day, 2 days a week. I expected a little tugging at my leg and sadness that I was leaving, but ooooh no. The kid was all, 'You're cramping my style, mom. Would you leave please?' Sheesh. Just dropping her off at a school and leaving the building was way more difficult for me than for her.

Well, I guess I can say I'm so glad she's over the phase where separation from me caused her to throw up all over herself and everyone else in the room ...

I'm so glad I've gotten her involved in ECFE. It's been a really amazing thing for both Rosemary and myself.

Anyway, so I was afraid to commit to doing too much during the 2 hours that I had to myself (you know, what if I'm a second late and Rosemary burst into tears of abandonment ... yeah right). I decided the best thing to do would be to head to Coco Moon (local coffee house) and read a book. I pulled out The Irresistible Revolution and yowser. I've been reading that book for like 2 months (I'm a slow and distracted reader) and the chapter I read today really knocked me over. I was reading about the time Shane Claiborne spent in Iraq and blubbering over my latte. I mean, really just blubbering. I so deeply appreciate the way that guy is challenging my faith, my politics, and the way I read the bible. The book makes every fiber of my being uncomfortable and antsy and I am excited to see where these challenges bring me.

I just can't help but feel like there's deeper meaning to all this crap Joel and I have been going through lately. We've gotten into some serious (to us, anyway) debt. Things with our house are not going well. Blah blah blah. All this stuff that really doesn't matter except that it's refining us in some way. It's making us more compassionate, challenging the way we've viewed things, burning a seriously deep desire for community, changing our visions for what we truly want out of this life, and so on and so forth. Sometimes I want to get into a pity party for myself and then I feel this excitement ... like, all this stuff is going to so drastically change the course of our lives and although I didn't know I wanted it to be changed, I did and I do.

I've been praying a lot (well, a lot for me which is probably a little for a lot of people ...) about this desire for community and what it means. Joel just keeps saying that he feels like the only answer to all this debt that we and so many people we know are in, is some sort of community living where we all support each other, share our resources, etc. etc. You all Most of you know what I'm talking about, it's not a new idea. It seems like a dream that is so hard to make a reality. Why are we all so independent anyway? We need each other.

Keeping our house in tip-top, maybe-somebody-will-want-to-see-our-house-and-buy-it shape has not been easy! Not to mention this week I am planning to go up to Brainerd (tomorrow) and offered to help watch a friends' 10 month-old baby on Monday and Tuesday. Last night I was nearly in tears. Our house is a dis.aster. I am tired and period-crabby (sorry, guys ...).

Joel called his mom and expressed concern that he's afraid I bit off more than I can chew and she kindly offered to watch Rosemary for a little while today. So, after she wakes up from a [hopefully] long nap, I'm going to send her over to Nana's house for the evening. Then I'll come back here and clean, clean, clean. My goal is to have most everything in the car (is that safe?) and then not have to do anything except eat breakfast and brush our teeth tomorrow morning. We will then head off to ECFE, and then up to Brainerd during Rosemary's naptime.

Speaking of ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education). We in Minnesota are so stinkin' blessed to have it. I cannot brag highly enough about the program. They ask you to pay according to your income, but they do not force anyone to pay. So they basically provide this great service for free. I get to go once a week with Rosemary, we play and do circle time together, do some activities with our children and then separate for parent-time and kid-time. That hour and a half of parent-time is pretty much my favorite time of the week. Somebody else is taking excellent care of my child while I get to sit and drink my tea (or coffee, if I'm in the mood), and chat with other like-minded parents. Well, we're not all like-minded - but I am blessed to live in an area with lots of other parents who think like me. Anyway, tangent aside. I love ECFE and totally think I am a better parent because of it. There is really something to collaborating with other parents and the highly experienced instructors there. I have gotten so many good ideas from ECFE and have never felt judged or uncomfortable. ECFE has pretty much solved Rosemary's sleeping issues and given me so many other good parenting ideas. I have learned so much about child development and seriously think I would have had much different expectations about what Rosemary can/should/can't/shouldn't do at her age.

Anyway, I am just sorry that it is a Minnesota thing and not a national thing, because I feel so blessed to have it.