Well, I guess I can say I'm so glad she's over the phase where separation from me caused her to throw up all over herself and everyone else in the room ...
I'm so glad I've gotten her involved in ECFE. It's been a really amazing thing for both Rosemary and myself.
Anyway, so I was afraid to commit to doing too much during the 2 hours that I had to myself (you know, what if I'm a second late and Rosemary burst into tears of abandonment ... yeah right). I decided the best thing to do would be to head to Coco Moon (local coffee house) and read a book. I pulled out The Irresistible Revolution and yowser. I've been reading that book for like 2 months (I'm a slow and distracted reader) and the chapter I read today really knocked me over. I was reading about the time Shane Claiborne spent in Iraq and blubbering over my latte. I mean, really just blubbering. I so deeply appreciate the way that guy is challenging my faith, my politics, and the way I read the bible. The book makes every fiber of my being uncomfortable and antsy and I am excited to see where these challenges bring me.
I just can't help but feel like there's deeper meaning to all this crap Joel and I have been going through lately. We've gotten into some serious (to us, anyway) debt. Things with our house are not going well. Blah blah blah. All this stuff that really doesn't matter except that it's refining us in some way. It's making us more compassionate, challenging the way we've viewed things, burning a seriously deep desire for community, changing our visions for what we truly want out of this life, and so on and so forth. Sometimes I want to get into a pity party for myself and then I feel this excitement ... like, all this stuff is going to so drastically change the course of our lives and although I didn't know I wanted it to be changed, I did and I do.
I've been praying a lot (well, a lot for me which is probably a little for a lot of people ...) about this desire for community and what it means. Joel just keeps saying that he feels like the only answer to all this debt that we and so many people we know are in, is some sort of community living where we all support each other, share our resources, etc. etc.
Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world, empower us to wake up to God’s truth and turn from our falsehood.
Heavenly father, for the many ways we’ve conformed to the pattern of this world instead of to the image of Jesus Christ.
For living like we were on vacation, rather than as soldiers in a battle.
For seeking first the american dream rather than the Kingdom of God.
For consuming more than we need when brothers and sisters around the world go without.
For the ways we have reduced you to a tribal God who is on our side instead of on the side of all humans.
Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world, empower us to wake up to God’s truth and turn from our falsehood.
Heavenly father, for having more confidence in the ways of Caesar than in the ways of the cross.
For hating our enemies rather than loving and serving them.
For failing to submit every aspect of our daily lives to you.
For being too busy to notice the hurting, the lonely, and the lost in our midst.
For our unwillingness to pursue relationships with people whose appearance and culture is different than our own.
For esteeming some people as more important than others.
For not being outraged by the violence and injustice in the world.
Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world, empower us to wake up to God’s truth and turn from our falsehood.
And heavenly father, for believing the lies that people have told us about ourselves rather than trusting your word about us, spoken on calvary.
For allowing the promiscuity of our culture to influence our sexual attitudes and behavior.
For judging others as worse sinners than ourselves.
For allowing ourselves to fall into the bondage of strongholds and addictions.
For gossiping and slandering people, rather than blessing them
For praying too little and watching television too much.
For all the lies we’ve told, and all the things we’ve stolen.
For failing to live out the radical call of the Jesus-looking kingdom.
Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world, forgive us for the ways that we’ve lived in our own stories, gone our own ways, done right what’s in our own eyes, conformed to the culture rather than to your will.
Empower us to turn, Lord, to turn. To see that you are the creator of the world, we are not.
And you know how things work best, we do not.
And so, Lord, we turn and we repent.
Lately I have been getting a lot of headaches (if you’ve known me for awhile, you’ve known this has been a huge problem in my life, which has mostly been resolved), and it’s been a reminder that I pretty much stopped with my morning stretches on the day Rosemary was born. For the last week or so, I’ve been trying to remember to stretch every day; and today was the first time in, maybe ever?, that my stretches were accompanied with complete silence and peace.
I decided to use the silence to pray and it was such a good way for me to start the day. I asked God to help me have rest and peace. I know there are a lot of techniques out there to relax – and I am definitely open to using them – but I also want the kind of rest and peace that comes from Him. It’s different ... and better.
I started thinking about the verses in Matthew 6:
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
I know that verse and think about it often, but I allow my body, my mind, and my spirit to hold onto so much stress. In a lot of ways I think it is a part of my to be tired and stressed out. When I was younger – high school and college age – I used to thrive on having every minute of my 24-hour day planned. I was always telling people I was too busy to do something – and I was, but it wasn’t a problem, I sort of let that define me. I think it is something that has become deeply rooted and I don’t like it about myself/don’t want it to be who I am.
Even if I am busy or have a lot of stresses in my life, I want to be able to have peace first. And just acknowledging that this morning – and asking for help – felt really good.
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katielovesjoel- healthy american female
- Coming Up Rosemary!
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